I judge my drunkenness on my brickbreaker playing skills. I'm winning. Suck it.
oh my she just said cum sticks to her dentures so when she blows if they let her she takes them out
i was puking in the toilet, he walked in and to talk to me and started puking in the sink.. Could this be my perfect man??
Do vagina's smell?
I'm trying real hard to keep it on the DL how drunk I am at lunch with my grandma.
I made myself breakfast and everything and then whoever's house it actually was came downstairs very upset.
Life's too short to consider the larger psychological underpinnings of my lust.
I woke up and blew hamburger out my nose. That kinda night.
youre just mad because i have donuts and im beautiful
We could supplement the Tour with Edward Andre-hands. Because 40s are for the 99%.
it wasn't until he got that douchey haircut that i started regretting sleeping with him
I always ask when they're due. It's the nicest way for me to let her know the rest of the world can tell she's putting on weight too
I've had more jaegerbombs than I can count on 3 fingers
I have 80 very blurry photos of you on a stripper pole...
I was trying not to blow up your phone, but I'm so horny I think I might die
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