I'm single ladies-ing it in my kitchen alone. after I just made an intense new breakup cd and before I drown my sorrows by marinating alone in my jacuzzi later. I cant tell if this is a new low or a new high
I just realized that "Hey girl, when you gonna let me tap that?" is in iambic pentameter. I'm going to write a poem...
Don't worry. I just took 2 benadryls and beat off. I'm practically sleep texting
At Wal-Mart last night I watched two guys scramble for $4.34 to pay for a pack of ping pong balls and red solo cups. They had to put the .34 on a credit card. Winter break begins!
the orgasm was like being thrown to the other end of reality, so getting a nosebleed from it wasnt too upsetting at that point
He was completely serious when he said my boobs were like "majestic white clouds."
I tried to tell him I love him but it came out something like "We're both fucked up and it works."
SARAH B AND I ARE GOING TO GO HALFSIES AND BUY YOU A CAT. IS THAT OKAY. TO KEEP YOU COMPANY DURING THUNDERSTORMS SUCH AS THIS ONE. ITS BECAUSE WE LOVE YOU.
Faces of meth called, they want their look back.
We just had a 30 min argument on the actual birth date of Jesus, it ended in my brother and ain't cursing each other and an 8 yr old answering it by using Siri.
DAMMIT Im supposed to be running a company not discussing dick piercings!
Let's try finding a bar where there aren't people who want to hang me from a tree by my nutsack
I try not to flex my sex appeal too much around the engineers, it's like feeding bears...always ends in disaster.
Well, while we went through airport security, I found out Mom got her clit pierced, so there's that.
When Dad gets to your house, ask him about the sound of anal beads. Happy Thanksgiving!
Randomize
