32 messages asking me to suck his dick. And there for a minute i thought i was desperate. ha!
Hahahaha
make that 40.
What drug did you take that made the cabinets scream at you?
I think I could pass a breathalyzer. But with like a C.
I want you to come here and listen to her climax and then tell me how funny you think it is.
I just banged that chick from the bar by speaking french. all i had to do was recite my grocery list
I think I'm finally maturing. I'm happy he found someone. Good for him. I sincerely hope she doesn't choke on his tiny penis.
It's like you're a magic genie of bad timing
No if my life depended on you fingering me just let me die
You're too morally constrained. I firmly believe that you should be less concerned with how young she is and more excited by the fact that she's not jailbait by virtue of a legal technicality.
So I was trying to finish off that sick uv whipped and I chased it with yogurt. Not a good idea
Why was I drunk tweeting incorrect Beyonce lyrics last night?
FUUUCK. sunburned vagina. this is the worst day ever. i'm not leaving my room until it peels.
his mom walked in while he was eating me out. and my vag was facing the door. luckily his face was in it.
Put viagra in his coffee. I did that with Geoff last month and three hours later I had bitten through a throw pillow and gotten a noise complaint from a neighbor
Don’t judge me
Some of us don’t have access to dick on a constant basis
Randomize