tell ils to like buy her flowers and like a balloon that says, sorry I tried to fuck your sister. I think hallmark makes some of those cards too.
Just found bacon bits in my pocket. Blackout buffet is the best.
I have a cup of vodka in my bathroom with a straw in it. Yes, I am ready for this bikini wax.
I slept with a married guy last night and then broke my toe on the doorframe on the way out. I've never seen karma work so fast.
The idea of snorting emergen-c actually just crossed my mind.
someone who i have in my phone as thundercock just said he was DTF
Twas the night before the bachelor party, and all thru the house...not a creature was stirring, not even a stripper?...
I told you I'm not going to the Phillies game until we're tripping balls
I've had to much cheese to give a fuck about anything. im tired.
Night just started and I've already seen a woman headbutt a brick wall. Unintentionally. Epic to say the least
she shotgunned a can of v8, threw the can on the ground and said, "fuck bitches get money" then passed out on the spot
He went out to smoke and when he came back I was still in the same spot naked and unable to breathe.
All I could say was, "ladies and gentlemen, THIS is why I drive 30 mins"
We had sex six times. In a span of 8 hours. Confirmation I don't need to go to the gym.
Just took an Adderall with Pedialyte so I think that's a valid answer to "how are you doing"
Met the hot new neighbor. She's into country music and giving really good bjs. Latter made up for the former.
Randomize
