I have come to the conclusion that if you don't fulfill your life ambitions you should go into porn
When the cops came you just told them you'd go to your time out corner.
I think I just tested my sobriety limits for unicycling.
I am too drunk to deal with your everything. Reread this everytime you feel the need to talk to me.
Good news. I heard back from the doctor and I don't have a liver problem.
...yet.
So I come back home and a huge flock of enormous vultures are on my roof
They're waiting for you to die
I wouldn't even cut tickets or put ppl in jail I'd just hand out punches to the mouth and Liam Neeson throat chops
I forgot to pack a bra for work today...you would not believe the extremes i've had to go through in order to keep these nips from my coworkers
that pic of me and the hulking football player sure does come in handy when creepy guys hit on me at the bar.
Eating power bars and masterbating... That's kinda my life right now. Is this what having a boyfriend means?
May the power of my ass compel you!!
Tonight I'm getting fucked up for America because Lord knows we need it.
You're going to replace me with a robot made of heating blankets and a vibrator?
I just wrote a self loathing message to self, wrapped my credit card in it, put it in an envelope, sealed it with another hate messame, and put it in my lock box. So. That's where I'm at.
Optimism doesn't exist before 2pm nor do any other emotions.
Randomize
