In similar news, my cock is bigger than the plane that landed in the hudson.
You know its been a rough night when you wake up and the first thing you remember is your mom going skinny dipping.
What do ugly girls do when they get too drunk at parties. They can't pull the whole "sorry i passed out on your couch but i'm hot so it doesn't matter "card
Your scrotum should have touched every square inch of that place by now. Start with the water fountain.
Did he make you just lay your head next to his cock and talk to it again?
Sorry I never got back to you, I ended up at a party with pot ice cream, pot apple cider, and hash vegetable oil.
I'm all about sex. But even I know there will be a time to retire my junk. And that will be my 40th birthday, or whenever I'm hideous
You will never truly trust yourself until you have shaved your armpits, legs, and vagina in the dark.
Before we fucked we both mutually agreed not to tweet about it.
The gay is strong with you! You're more concerned about my outfit than my safety.
I just fully woke up, never smoking that much weed again. I had stress dreams about your house being surrounded by a lake and we kept losing our cars in it.
The sex is great, I just think it'd be better if we listened to Deftones during it.
I shit myself when I came, don't have flu sex
Fun fact: My predictive text now prompts "walrus" as the most likely word to follow "intoxicated"...
He said watch this and then went and tripped into a group of 40 year old women, now he's leaving the club with them.
Randomize
