we were having sex and she freaked out when i said nipple
he keeps calling me but I'm too scared to answer... Not sure what he's gonna yell at me for: barging into his room while he was with another girl, filling her shoes with dog food and water, or hiding his keys in the garbage disposal.....
Come downstairs. Moms serving wine for breakfast again.
He said he wanted to have kids with me so they could grow up to be professional linebackers. Not. A. Complient.
when we asked you if you had had anything to drink tonight you looked up from the toilet while cupping the water into your hands and said "this.. just this"
apparently they wrote a song entitled "butt slut" about her... im thinking shes not girlfriend material.
I made a tournament bracket for the girls that Im talking with.
It says a lot about how well I know you when I can understand messages of yours that say things like "sauteed Jesus."
Just retrieve me from the bathroom floor when you're done
Did I come home in a police car last night? id come downstairs to ask you but i dont think my legs work anymore
I don't have any soul left to be crushed.
she walked up to me at the bar, kissed me, andthen declared "I HAVEN'T SEEN YOU OR YOUR PENIS SINCE 2011."
we had sex while we waited for the thai food... a which will come first type of situation
I'm still trying to figure out who shit on the coffee table. I have confirmed beyond a reasonable doubt that it wasn't me.
You mentioned his name and i threw up a little.
Randomize
