Riddle me this. What had unbelievable sex, and finally understands the meaning that things come better in pairs?
I hate you
I was just making a list of the girls i have slept with and i can't remember your sisters name
Her vagina is like Vegas. high traffic and full of glitter.
I had a guy present me his prison release form this morning as id
The sad thing was my husband told her its ok to make out with me. Bar Tuesdays will live on regardless.
I heard you were drinking whiskey straight from the bottle last night.
Actually I was drinking whiskey straight from 3 bottles, but that is neither here nor there.
Competitive oral. I'm always telling girls they are only the fourth, maybe third, best blowjob I've had. They go back down with something to prove.
I just want to dump glitter on my floor and roll in it like a cat in catnip.
11/10 would buy him a McLobster
We did it to 80's cardio music. Talk about a workout.
Was expecting a sext from Kristi and then my mom randomly sent me a pic of her ugly Xmas sweater. Worst. Buzzkill. Ever.
My dad's girlfriend is driving through the snow to bring me my purple haze. If he doesn't wife her up, we have a bigger issue on our hands.
He put on star wars porn, i thought it was hilarious last night but now i'm wondering why he has star wars porn
She's chasing the cat around the house hitting it with a cardboard sword yelling "there can be only one!"
Im experiencing the awkward moment after realizing two of my straight female friends have had sex with each other
Randomize
