so i'm sitting in his room drinking tequila from the bottle and watching harry potter. he's jacking off to some porn a couple feet away from me. at one point i look over and see that he's watching me instead of the porn. please help me figure out how warped it is that i found that romantic
Just shaved my legs with toilet water in a walgreens bathroom. I am so classy.
I know I said I was done dating 22 year olds but it's not my fault all the guys my age gave up on life and got fat
Oh. And what's the twitter protocol for following the guy you blew behind a shed?
Dude. Remember the only two rules I set for that? Always have a sober friend and don't do drugs with a fat chick.
Jacob lost his virginity in a threesome. I am deffs fucking this kid.
DURING A THUNDERSTORM ON HIS BIRTHDAY.
Is everyone touching their nose at me a sign that I should stop snorting vicodin off my phone in the bathroom at school?
I just wish I had a snapshot of his attempted front flip off the bar. There are some things that are worth getting a life ban for, and the moment of impact with his foot and that lady's face was one of those things.
man my uterus needs to drop the egg or GTFO, BUUUSHIT
Just saw my ex AGAIN. The constellation of gays must be at some sort of weird point with Mercury.
After we finished having sex, he drunkenly tried to hugh five me, farted, then accused me of stealing his socks.
I don't think it counts as a booty call at 6:30 pm.
I love you but this is the first Saturday I have ever spent at the police station. And where are my boxers?
A drag queen just ate a dollar out of my ass. I don't know which one of us has hit rock bottom
Dude i just passed out while getting head...she cried
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