if i wake u up at 5am tmrw by coming into ur room wearing nothing but my indiana jones hat and purple socks while singing 'courtesy of the red white + blue' will u be pleased or annoyed
keep in mind this isn't open to negotiation, i'm just trying to gauge ur reaction
and then he ordered a "diet and rum" like the most important part of the drink was the diet.
yea. Don't mess. He will heal me. But my blowjobs will be historical.
Being thankful with your family is one thing. Being thankful with your friends while getting drunk and smoking bowls while eating leftovers, priceless.
Impromptu road trip to New Orleans for four days of Mardi Gras. I'll probably be alive and back for Valentine's Day plans, probably won't stick my dick in some random either-might be using my free pass you cheating asshat. Love you. Expect random texts & probably a drunk dial or twelve. You did this to yourself. You're not invited so don't bother. Have fun at work.
It happened to me once. But i washed off in a duck pond and walked home naked.
Reasonably certain my seventh grade teacher is encouraging me to drop acid on twitter
Last night at the bar you we're seriously going up to people and pushing through them like they were bowling pins and you were a bowling ball
Btw had an awesome time last night. Found some blood on my shirt and ear but I'll chalk it up to the tequila shots.
At first I was nervous, then drunk me thought: What other chance will you realistically have to fuck a British guy?
Your participation in the democratic process makes me horny AF
Our faces when the strip club was closed looked like the grinch just stole Christmas ☹️
I woke up to him watching me sleep and after I told him it was over he asked if we were still on for Vegas next weekend
Im going for myspace 2006 goth bitch. Your worst nightmare
She was a cheerleader in college and President of her sorority and now she’s a sales rep for a pharmaceutical corporation. “High maintenance hot” doesn’t even begin to explain it
But dear lord is it worth it
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