There was so much of it... it was like he poured a bowl of pudding on my face. It's not bad for your hair is it?
I thought I was at a rave until the paramedics started chasing me. You win again tequila.
Why the fuck was there a shirtless Mexican in my apartment this morning?
Instead of a promise ring i got my clit peirced, its a promise that ill always give you ass! =]
I found my old addy guy via fb who clearly understands the supply and demand curve of addy during finals so he's gonna hook me up.
how did we ever eat at restaurants where they DIDNT squirt-gun tequila in our mouths?
I need to move out. I just walk of shamed my way into a family breakfast party. There's no response when grandma says "where you coming from in heels at 9AM?"
i have to go- we're throwing the dummy from the balcony again
Are you in a cab?
I'm close- can you order me a bowl of vodka?
My phone autocorrected your name to "grownup." that couldn't be more inaccurate. I'm getting a new phone.
I've been on the toilet for an hour. On a six day bender. My ass feels like its leaking vodka
Yes. I will keep putting the beer into my stomach and eventually the bartender will make a mistake
But if you move out who will get drunk with me on the roof and yell at boys?!?
I love you but this is the first Saturday I have ever spent at the police station. And where are my boxers?
I just talked to him. no worries he had the same fears you did this morning and smelled the dryer to make sure. you officially did not pee in there haha
Randomize
