i threw up in a trash can last night at kellys irish times. but in a trash can because i'm a lady
I just named my vagina "The Boneyard"
More like "Chia Pet"
her roommate was in the bathroom for over an hour so i volunteered to take the dog out and i shit in the bushes
I love reading their "i love you more" , "no i love you more" war on facebook today knowing that he hooked up with me last night. I bet i know who wins that one.
This is the time you want your cat to have telepathy with you. To know if the guy downstairs left.
you called her butter tits and then threw up in your cup. i dont know if theres any way to come back from that
just saw someone in just a bathrobe not even tied shut run to the bathroom with a facefull of cum. Someone had a good night
It's a sign that no dudes december is about to start: I have a yeast infection.
oh wow I have been there. Hell one time Matt and I woke up naked with pizza rolls in the bed.
my mom found me passed out in the kitchen floor with the Brita pitcher.. Happy Mothers Day
There's 50 people in our house, none of them are wearing shirts. The keg has been relocated twice and our bathroom door is missing again...when will we ever learn?
Sometimes a girl needs 4 shots of whiskey in her diet coke at 5 in the afternoon and i feel no shame in admitting that girl is me
Do you remember when you first moved into my parents house with me and we came home to find that my dad bolted the headboard to the wall
He only has one ball. it was like fucking a cyclops.
Oh and ps....i was sleeping soundly until i woke up by the sound of amy on the phone with her mom sobbing hysterically because she cant stop having the shits.
Randomize
