How was last night?
She looked like Delta Burke in her fat Designing Women days ... and she just left like 2 minutes ago. Right after breakfast.
How did you steal an entire pie?
I don't know. It's in my purse.
I say that when we get our grades back we're making a drinking game out of it.
I keep finding coffee grounds in my vagina
we ended up on her 9 year old brothers bed and he saw the whole thing.... now he will know how to use his equipment
I almost punched the night nurse in her face. I woke up and she was standing over me.
they just started filling water ballons with vodka.
on my way.
Remember middle school health class where we used to say that when we lost our vcards we would be on the pill, using a condom, and have had our partners tested first? We were so optimistic.
Why don't we skip the roadtrip entirely, save us the trip, and go straight to jail?
I dont know if this is a good time to tell you but im actually a freshman.. not a senior
just to let you know its hard to talk to your father while being fingered up against a car..
Dude. You gotta go home. I think I left the snake hanging on the chandelier.
I don't believe in coincidence. I believe in the stars aligning perfectly to sodomise me in public. Who ever said I was cynical?
I don't mean to crush your hopes and dreams but having sex IN the Stanley Cup isn't possible
Everytime I come home this stoned I masturbate in the shower for that long, its like my lonely ritual. Accept me.
Randomize
