Someone's got a whale tail
A thong is hangin out?
No, a fatty following them
its good she wears the same dress to all the weddings so we can track how fat she's really gotten
so glad i banged her when she was skinny
And by the way, how is me getting head even remotely comparable to you fucking 3 guys?
we were wasted and he didn't have a condom so he called the front desk and asked for one. They didn't "officially" have them but the night manager happened to have one in his wallet. He brought it to the room with two mints.
She played chubby bunny with our cocks.. She got 4
So she just apologized to the fire extinguisher.
Having a vagina does not stop me from believeing my balls are bigger than yours.
She cracked her neck before the blowjob and I knew shit just got real.
It got quiet and we all stood around and opened the box and I've never seen so many burritos in my life man. it was fucking biblical.
I woke up and found piles of popcorn in a trail around my house, ending at a laundry basket full of pillows. What were we trying to catch last night?
I guess there's no delicate way to say "I'm 90% sure I sucked his dick in the bathroom of the bar."
I just did shots of fireball with my dad in a car wash. How's your pregaming going?
Just spilled a coffee mug full of scolding hot oatmeal on my bare dick. Hope you're having a good Friday night too.
You were hitting on girls while wearing the banana suit. When they rejected you you yelled "I gotta split anyway."
Woke up at my x's house. He said I talked about how much I love panda's for fourty five minutes. Then made him watch The Little Mermaid with me. Made the walk of shame infront of his mom. Things can only really go up from here.
Wait till you get home.
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