He just left - my room smells like that cheese they put on nachos and cigarettes and beef
Yo quero taco bell
Idk if this white stuff in my shower is conditioner or... something else?
similar to the time we made up the game of screaming at the top of our lungs any time a guy any of us slept with walked into the party. that went over SO well.
He showed me a four inch blond hair that grows out of his side. He calls it his little ray of sunshine. Please come get me.
Washing the last semen-stained shirt you have really solidifies a breakup. It just got real.
I can't even go pee because I'm making sure he doesn't run off somewhere naked.
Wanna hang out, and by hang out I mean go get plan B... and maybe lunch, but mostly plan b
I did nothing besides stay sober all night, I walked home to find max naked knocking cups off the counter with his cock lol
And you will no longer be getting a thank you note from my vagina
He autographed my vag. This fuck just got authentic.
Guess who figured out you can fit an entire bottle of champagne in a big Subway cup. Open container laws my ass.
Like he held up the condom afterwards, twirled it with his finger, and said "look at that load"
I need a beard to bite.
What kind of true American would I be if I didn't just smoke weed in my bathrobe on my back porch in the middle of suburbia on 4/20? #stepmomoftheyear
When you puked on me I said to you "we will just say that you threw some mostacholi at me"
Randomize
