Regardless, you never quit out of your interenet. You left your porn on the living room comp. Then you passed out four feet from the chair with your hand still down your pants. We decided that we should go back to her place instead. Worlds best wingman.
tell me how a rose bowl party involves waking up to find a raccoon in my kitchen cabinet eating my oreos the next morning?
NEVERCLEAR, NEVER AGAIN.
I like to think of you as more a magic eight ball of my life's journey?
cocks speak louder than words, as they say
Nobody says that.
Duuuuuuuude, I need you to sleep with my girlfriend so I can tell you both to move out
We were having sex and my nose just started pouring blood. He reached down to the floor, grabbed a sock and held it to my nose. He just kept pounding away like nothing was happening.
Now, one of you come feed me, the other read me my physics book...I'm too hungover for this shit...
it's gotten to the point where I just look in my closet, think, "which article of clothing behaves most like a towel?" and then just go with that
The NSA quit spying on phones. I'm sending you SO MANY dick pics.
Sext me about skeletons
I just talked to him. no worries he had the same fears you did this morning and smelled the dryer to make sure. you officially did not pee in there haha
I lost my wallet so I paid for my cab ride home with a sausage sandwich I found in my purse. Must have thought it was my wallet.
I woke up with my winter coat on, next to a polaroid of me, her and a swan...so no I don't remember our conversation.
She lured me back to her place with pizza and tits. I was totally helpless
Randomize
