I want to bang chis in dee ass burt he be hating on me times two. Me be tryin ti love onu
Bendover
Tomorrow will not be complet unless someone eats me out. Just sayin
There was a gorilla playing an accordion outside of my last final. I miss college already.
I don't know. I guess at the end of the day I wanted taco bell more than a boyfriend.
Totally get that.
there is laundry and salad ALL OVER my car, i need context
You could say the cab driver was less than excited when we called his personal cell phone at 4am for directions back to our hotel after having blacked out at the club
definitely fulfilled the lesbian status quo and fucked her in the back seat of my prius
He just told me that when we were doing it I told him I was the captain and he was the boat. Im too embarassed to ask for money for a cab.
I just want to fuck you then discuss implications of our existence afterwards. Then Doritos and hot tub.
I'm about 95% it's a collapsed lung. Go big right?
Our group of friends now have more broken bones than reasonable excuses for why they're broken.
my friend was passed out in the bathroom so I threw up in the coffee maker, not the pot the water reservoir that kind of drunk.
it was also funny because at one point I woke up with my hands tied with a belt and we were both like what the fuck
I just wanna get high and take a fucking awesome nap. Those are my goals for the week.
The cop told me I was the prettiest guy he'd arrested in a while. I'm still not sure if it was a come on or not.
Randomize
