Thought you might like this. Had a dance off with an andy bernard look alike and pissed my bed. All in one night.
theres a difference between trying to make someone happy and letting them fuck you in the ass
I am willing to take shots of vanilla extract. That's how this night has been.
He won't let me have sex with him, but feels bad if I won't let him get me off. It is the weirdest, best, most confusing pseudo relationship I've been in.
you're surprised the chick that fucked you for a free cup has herpes. i don't feel bad for you.
The magic cards should have been the first clue. The comments that I have "amazing birthing hips" and that I'm "beautiful in a child bearing sort of way just sealed his fate.
You mailed him a break up letter, because you thought the "joy of receiving a letter" would ease the pain of you dumping him.
I'm Still in a robe trying to piece together 3-7am I'll be there in a few
i have a queen bed, a cherrywood bed frame, and gold sheets. how are you saying no to me right now?
He crawled outside into the bushes to throw up. He's just laying there now but he says he'll be ready to come home if we just give him five
I have to pee in a cup in the morning and they are going to say....you just peed a miller light. I'm going to hang my head in shame and say yes...yes I did.
There are many penises to be discovered and claimed tonight
We're like Lewis and Clark
Also-when I die, I want it to be with my arms above my head so that when rigor mortis sets in, my breasts are perky.
currently googling "apology gifts for when you poop on their floor"
Your liver needs more exercise - we start training tonight.
Randomize