While she was crying about breaking up, he looked at her through his fork and said "of course she's upset, she's in jail." Having sex with him tonight.
we lost you for like an hour and then found you at some dive bar trying to teach dance lessons
I'm helping my Mormon ex boyfriend from high school embrace his inner cross dresser. This is truly god's work.
Yea. I couldn't get a job in fast food but I can teach Americas youth. The future looks great
Hey I came back and we made joints with the breathalyzers the cops left last night.
My mom just said she had more presents to wrap, so I should "smoke some weed & go back to bed"... She really is Santa Claus
Firstly: alligator costume is happening anyway. But I'll see what I can do about the balls.
I think I pulled a boob muscle during phone sex
While she was pissing on the neighbors shrubs, they threatened to call the cops...she mumbled 'don't threaten me with a good time", so to answer your question, yes she was drunk.
Masturbated while waiting for my face mask to dry, so it was a productive night.
he's like crack. I can't be in the same room with him while drunk and not do him.
We are taking a shrt nap on the sidewalk cme fine me if you want but dont wake me up
I'm gonna invite every single tinder date I've had to my birthday. Let them fight, battle Royale style. The winner gets to fuck me. \n\nBest. Birthday. Ever
Ever look at an ex and wonder...was I drunk that entire relationship??
Yes, yes I do.
It goes to show, Sane person, daddy doms, little girls, all of us may seem different but deep inside we all grow wisdom teeth
Randomize
