My mom assumed I was crying because he was leaving. Figured that was better than explaining my eye's sensitivity to semen..
you woulda been proud of me tonight though. i only made out with 2 guys. and in my defense one of them was to get a job after graduation.
I just realized that two weekends in a row we ended up in a bathroom with two different boys asking us for a threesome. does this happen to everyone?
oh, you know. just sitting in my bed high as fuck wearing a windbreaker and watching british tv.
I can now tell my grandchildren Central Park has really great spots for quickies...
Driving by his house every hour is not stalking, it's a reconnaissance mission... How else can I confront him
He looks like a fat version of lurch from the adams family and smells like fritos. This is not the caliber man I want pleasuring himself to the thought of me!
one of these days i'm gonna do a sparkly magical girl transformation into snoop dogg
You attempted what you called the "Long Island Heist", in which you shoved a half glass of Long Island down your pants and asked me to help you sneak it out. That drunk.
I made out with a girl because I wanted to get in the VIP section of the bar because they have these big comfy couches. It worked.
My dry spell starts kindergarten this fall...
They grow up so fast.
You added his wife on Facebook?! You're horrible at this mistress thing
I should stop pointing to my vagina when I say "I'm in charge!"
You ate my ass why wouldn't I remember you
I just Spray tanned myself while high as fuck its either going to look like a work of art or terrible graffiti
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