You know the commpass Jack Sparrow has? The one that just points at whatever you want? Thas pretty much my moral compass.
I just five second ruled a donut I dropped at starbucks, everyones staring
threw up during christmas carols. the audience at the church seemed to immediately know i was a college student
she screamed "my eye!" and it brought me a surge of bad memories. except she was yelling about a lemon.
He just ordered a bottle of Beam at an Italian place for us to share.
At what point did you think the cops were actually coming to hang out with us
You cant hold me accountable for my actions when im high.
you force-fed me gummy vitamins while screaming "I JUST WANT YOU TO BE HEALTHY" i have never been so terrified in my life.
no you went to jail because you don't know how to whisper when offering a cop a blow job. I'm sure him having a chick partner didn't help.
A surprise thumb up the ass and I'm wide awake. She was right, no need for caffine pills I could fight ninjas now.
hurry up this bar wont let me order big pitchers of beer for just myself
He bought me a burrito. I introduced him as "Horse-Dicked Jake" all night. My debt has been repaid.
Which one of you drunk assholes put a parental lock on my cable box last night? More importantly, what's the pin? I'm missing the UK game.
Turns out both me and my grandpa have a guilty pleasure for South American men.
Self reach around competition is what the Olympics has been missing all along. A true test of athleticism.
color coded lube a great way to organize my bootie calls
Randomize
