dear life, i get it, drinking is not a contest
you kept screaming i cant feel my vagina, it kinda killed the mood.
I told him we can only be friends from now on & he said he knows but that I'm the 'best he ever had'.
you slept with him again didn't you
you can't just quote Drake AND compliment me at the same time & receive nothin. he knows me too well
Why would vodka do this to me? I've always been loyal
He told me to pick a safe word. I said 'cactus' and he said I wasn't taking this seriously and that I wasn't cut out for s&m.
Im gonna need you to always be ready for drinking or this will never work. grow up peter pan.
I'm flagged. Drank strippers water. Flashed Dave tryin to get a job here. You order the shots. Green tea betch.
We could supplement the Tour with Edward Andre-hands. Because 40s are for the 99%.
Last night I texted her to confirm she could start designing costumes for my show this week.
That is one convoluted booty call.
Don't ask me how, but I have a squirrel in my backpack and I don't know what to do with it.
He bought you footie pajamas. Shit's pretty serious.
I love birth control. How's that for a Facebook status on valentines day.
You don't understand. On her lunch break she sits on the roof, stares into the sky, and chain smokes. I can't get on her level. She is made up of java monsters with whiskey and a voice that sounds like sex.
You need to stop crushing on your boss or fuck her.
If you sleep with another manager before the year is up you'll deserve an accomplishment sticker.
I need to show you how I feel about you by fucking you repeatedly.
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