You are possibly the most enthusiastic, likable bad influence I've ever met.
I am sitting on my kitchen floor drunk with a bottle of jose cuervo, tryin to make cinnamon rolls and write a paper. I love college
drunk me just left notes all around the apt to remind shitfaced me that i have mashed potatoes in the fridge. do not take them down if you come home before me.
i just remember explaining why my socks were better than everyone elses.
I just threw up every bad decision and it hurts
I would have done it. But then again I am a starving student who can manipulate my brain into thinking my decision was somehow morally justifiable.
I woke up to a shot of jager next to my face. I felt bad for it so i drank it
Do I not have a Brazilian bc of my boyfriend situation or do I not have a boyfriend bc of my brazilian situation?
He told me I was the only person he wanted to fuck in his rental mini van. Thats so romantic for a fuck buddy relationship.
the bruises from climbing out of the window last night make sitting at my desk impossible. legit excuse to not study right?
I lost my vibrator temporarily and for some unknown reason my first thought was that you might have stolen it. But then I realized you would never do that because you know it keeps me from killing people. But I am overtired and lacking in faith.
Opened the browser on my phone to a web search for midget birth rates per capita. A good night.
I think I accidentally invented a religion.
He stole my heart. I stole his identity.
He held my hair while I gave him a blow job. Now that's teamwork.
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