Just realized our kids will one day call us old because we were around when texting came about. I'm sad.
you'd think he'd be slightly more humble with a penis that small
please tell me that the half empty jar of cocktail sauce on the table has nothing to do with my missing seamonkeys
you kept lying down on the floor at the bar just to prove you could get back up
bring money and cleavage
Mother fucker. I'm a 30J now. I'm fucking speechless
I want to be done crawling through windows but the sex is too good to stop...but I'm running out of excuses for where the bruises on my legs are coming from.
We didn't even make it to the door before they came out saying we weren't allowed in because of last time..
I paid your cover too so you're on the list as tits mcgee. You're welcome :D
He asked me if I wanted to play "Edouard Mandevan," turns out that's French for Edward Winehands
Friends don't let friends drunk sleep in the dorm common room
She's on her period. You don't know what fear is.
You kept chewing on the empty milk carton and saying "kitty" over and over again. It was an interesting night.
I'm driving to work hungover. I feel like I got hit by a train and then drank that train too.
Is it weird I can only picture you in my heels naked?
Be proud; I'm a versatile boyfriend
Randomize
