Don't make out with my wife yet
plans for tonight: dress up like pirates, drink a bottle of mad dog and watch the sorostitues across the street get naked. and yes, the mad dog part is already in play. hurry the fuck up. i look like a loser doing this alone.
you definitely held a convo with a hobo
we have a secret handshake
At least you're going to bed with all the teeth you woke up with
after he passed out we removed everything electronic from his room, stuck in some old books and an ancient typewriter from goodwill. for 20 min. we had him convinced he'd drunk himself backward in time.
And why did 3 people fail to stop me from literally getting a piggy back ride from the bar to his apartment?!
What is the appropriate way to inform him that I am TOTALLY down for break up sex?
We have 10 gallons of home brew. And james has an amazonian blow dart weapon that sticks in bags and the wall. Come over
Nah I'm perfectly content solely banging the married bartender once a week.
That's practically a relationship for you
Your shoe was in the washing machine. I have it in my pocket. My phone rang before and I answered your shoe. Meet me at the bar in 10.
Taylor Swift needs more songs about threesomes. I'm not sure she gets me anymore.
There are no winners in a lube eating competition.
look, my penis is an amusement park, and it's closed for maintenance. why can't you just accept that?
I was trying to type "I just want you naked" and it put "I just want you baked"
I feel really sorry for my toilet right now
Randomize
