I swear to god he was trying to crawl under my door last night muttering "I'm Alex Mac! I'm Alex Mac!"
Leave it to him to get us kicked out of a bar for hitting on an 80 year old woman. I want to be that wasted one day.
and do you remember when you were dressing me if i had money in my bra?
It was almost awkward to look at you naked while listening to Circle of Life. Just saying.
there is a money trail leading from my bathroom to my living room.. the trail ends with a half eaten bag of chips with a note that says "magical chipz".. who am i?
I'm going to try to be reasonable tonight and keep my drink count out of double digits
The guy you hooked up with is asleep in the tub. I just pee'd and he said 'turn off the tap' before snoring again.
P.s. remind me to tell you about the porno that Paul envisioned starring you. It's wizard of oz themed.
If I pissed all over some chicks bed I would probably apologize for getting so wasted, not putting out, and turning into a god damn R. Kelly Cinderella... Not ask for coffee and a ride home.
Woke up this morning with an extra $35 and someone else's ATM receipt. How much did I drink last night?
Do you have pictures of my pancakes
I need to show the world
They are the pancake equivalent of eventual wife
I ate her out in the bathroom and she did my makeup. Man i love being a lesbian
He told me that he'd ride his snowmobile from Cincinnati to Toledo in this blizzard just so I could give him head.
I really love you gals. I'm sorry again. I'm just super protective of my poutine
I paid for lunch, then he made a bunch of holes in my wall and destroyed my bathroom.
Randomize
