dear santa what can i do with your candy cane?
whats up tonight?
Ice cream, wine, and teabags... Not the earl grey kind
I GOT EATEN OUT IN A MERCEDES ON A TUESDAY NIGHT. I EARNED THIS SHIT.
Oh my god. Oh my god. Oh my god. I drunk emailed a professor on friday. Oh my god. Oh my god.
And I was the only one who felt it was dangerous to set the tv and blender on the ledge of the hot tub
I'm practically paying him in tacos to have sex with me.
Remember that time I tried to pierce your nipples while high... it's like that, only with more blood... and less nipples
Hey do you know who I showed my dick to at the bar last night?
Just like to put it out there it's surprising how little reception a dog cage has
oh you know, the usual stuff. getting kicked out of bars and sleeping in cars.
I told you I missed you and you said you missed me as much as you miss a urinary tract infection. I get it. You're still mad.
Let's just say his oral game was lacking. Hell, lacking is too nice of a word to describe it.
We were sexting and i didn't know what to say, so i said i wanted to wrap him in tortillas and devour him like a burrito. then i went on by saying that i liked my burritos with a lot of cheese.
Everyone is a disappointment when you lose your virginity to nine inches
I have so much to do, no motivation, and Harry Potter is on. You KNOW whats taking priority in my life right now
Randomize