Luol and I just scored with two 40 year old married chicks. They dropped us off on the way to soccer prctic. The kids in the back were confused. Call me.
do you think he would believe thats it not really my period, and that i ate a lot of licorice?
I think i just got paid for sex with a hot pocket... and i accepted
He doesn't know I'm infertile yet, that's when the sex gets good
The voicemail says i shouldn't bother ever showing my face there again, i don't understand
We visited your boss last night. guess you wont be paying the rent this month, eh?
So I gave him a handjob and now we aren't friends anymore
You're at Notre Dame. What did you expect?
I just ran up four flights of stairs in heels, im getting an orgasm tonite.
i threw up on the table at the pizza place and peed in her room mates closet. i wouldnt invite me back either
Quote of the night award goes to my father "I like wearing my swim trunks around the house because they are cooler and more blousy for my balls". Yay dad
It sounds like drunken magic sprinkled w narcotics
I wanted to make fun of someone saying that to an untrained ear, skrillex is blah blah blah. But it was too soon after they said it. And now I can't find it. These are real problems.
He would come to class in wrapped in nothing but a pink towel
I got back from work this morning after working the night shift to find an NFL player scaling the side of our apartment...from your window. He just took sneaking out to all new level. Care to explain?
I think that about sums it up, actually.
Holy shit I'm 26! That took an embarrassingly long time to figure it out, I need to keep buyin weed from this kid
He texted me "sup", so I sent him that gif of the surprised guy and apparently it offended him
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