So I fucked an Aussie broad with huge feeders last nite 2x... Before banging her she was blowin me & I thought: "SHE IS GOIN DOWN-UNDER ON ME". Laughed out loud
worst lay ever....
as long as you cum, there is no bad sex
ya... thank god for condoms, I was able to fake it... I stand by my original statement
They are pre-gaming a trip to congress...not sure how politically correct the group is.
Dude just bought condoms some sad fuck next to me buying a pregnancy test he gave me a look like he'd pay me millions to switch places
I am currently google image searching dick piercings, trying to see what I'm getting myself into.
She just sat there, all alone, with a bottle of booze. And the dog. He even looked like he didn't wanna be there with her.
He thought he was drowning because he was drinking water and intentionally holding his breath. Dear god what did you get me in to.
Oh and now he's calling me Brohammed Ali.
I love flavors. My neighbour is owide smoking and so am I. I'm adio boooooored and I need an adult.
So were u tired or drunk when u wrote last night's text message?
pills.
well, I was going to forgive her anyway but not because shes my best friend and moreso because shes my drug dealer
But he was wearing a glow-in-the-dark condom. It was like a glowing rod of kryptonite. I can't resist that, kryptonite is my weakness.
Its not even real halloween yet. This extremely toxic yet briliant costume is going to kill me
Remember that time I got suspended in eighth grade, well it was like that but I was on acid and wearing goggles
I can't tell if I'm still on the hangover from last night, or if I'm experiencing the one from tomorrow, because it was so powerful that it actually traveled back through time...
I'm eating taquitos in the bathtub at 5:30 am. What a great end to the night
Get the fuck in, we're going to Taco Bell.
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