dude beer before liquor = i want to shoot myself in the face
You smell like stripper and shame
We sat in your minivan all night in a parking lot pretending we were in the magic school bus going to the sun
If he doesn't notice me by the next party, i'm just gonna go up to him and pll his pants down and blow him.
Sounds like a plan.
Just spit on a sock to clean a spot on my glass table. Oddest combination of so lazy and motivated ever.
she kept calling me pablo. i just went with it.
I can't see straight with both eyes and ive only been at the bar for an hour. Someone else typed this for me.
im about 40 per cent sure i invited the bouncer to our pajama party next weekend...
He wouldn't let me ride him with a Ninja Turtles hat on...
Well don't pass out under a Swedish flag and people won't make assumptions
I just called my boyfriend "Dad"... Awkward
I'm pretty sure "good advice you would give to a freshman for achieving success" isn't constituted by introducing them to your addy dealer...
it is my civic duty to ensure the success of our youth.
We just catapulted a jelly bean off of his hard dick into his mouth.......Happy Easter!
Hey do you remember me?
You were the giant banana I had sex with... how could i forget?
He fucks strippers and doesn’t have a life plan. Of course I’m going to regret this
Randomize
