I like how you formally end text interactions, just turn your phone off or don't respond you pervert
I just saw a girl licking a cheeseburger wrapper. dont ever let me get that fat
Reason #57 I am going to fail the bar... it's Tuesday and i'm drunk at Toy Story 3.
He managed to scream "cowabunga bitch" before he went down on me. Let me know if you still like him.
I just want to know who nailed the chicken nugget to the door.
I woke up to a head of lettuce on my nightstand, someones Honda abandoned in my yard, the cat partially shaved, and a empty bottle of sailor hanging by a scarf from the rafters. Oh, and 26 people apparently came though and rubbed my back in the process of the night. Happy 23rd to me!
I think we should take up crocheing or stamp collecting....something completely lacking penises
he wouldnt let me in bed until i took off all the stickers i was covered in
The problem with having sex on the couch is that your blanket ends up in the laundry and you're left cold on the couch the next day.
Now accepting any stories about my adventures last night, in particular why my knuckles are bleeding.
There. Isnt. A. Single. Person. Who. Is. Not. High. At. Church.
Congrats you've received dick pics from an Olympic silver medalist
Pretty sure keeping my vibrator in the same drawer with the weed makes it work better. I fall asleep almost immedi
I flushed a potato down the toilet so now we have to live in a hotel.
Just got high with dad
Correction: more high. He's sharing gummy bears with me.
Randomize
