is it bad i banged a 25yr kindergarten teacher last night?
No thats like a top 10
There's somethin not right about having to take the batteries out of your 27 year old boyfriends gameboy to use in your vibrator
Tried to drunkenly hop a fence with my cast on to get away from the cops but ended up falling over a bench.. how do I explain those bruises to my parents?
we're a generation of lazy underachieving stoners and uncreative overachieving automatons. you're golden
Sex in the corn maze.....not as good as advertised.
I mean there are things broken right and left, I woke up surrounded by dog statues, and we had a vodka bubble bath.
I just sang beautiful by Christina Aguilera to a kebab. This is what my life has come to.
I can already feel the hangover I'll be having on New Year's Day. I don't know if I'm prepared for this.
the texts you sent will act as the rosetta stone for all drunk people
Kick open the door, strike a pose, steal a boyfriend, end scene.
Life's hard when you can't differentiate between retrograde and PMS
Drunk text the hot guy two doors down confessing my love for him.... He gave me a thank you card today.
fuck school, let's just become the worst strippers ever
He just kept repeating "It was like meep meep meep on my balls."
you asked if you could borrow my vagina for the night
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