I accidentally burped into my bong.
Good. You are like the clit whisperer.
Is it awkward that I've slept with every guy in this room?
Only if they know about it too.
On this egg donor form, it asks "In the past 5 years, have you had sex for drugs or money?" It only gives a yes or no option and no place to explain myself. What do I do?
you said grace in the diner. 5am, drunk, grace. you thanked the man w the mushroom cut for the wonderful supply of screwdrivers
The iPad is going to make my porn collection SO much more glossier... thanks steve jobs.
If I don't have herpes this will be the single greatest day of my life
The only thing I accomplished today was naming the bag of wine I've been drinking
No, we got so into acting out our role play characters we didn't even fuck. still sucess.
I walked in her room to find her rubbing lotion on her face high as fuck.
I just remembered that i did pull ups in a bikini on the porch of Red Lobster last night. someone needs to stage an intervention
That's right. I did.
You are the saddest 25 year old gay man I've ever had the displeasure of knowing.
Showing girls my stab wound was not the brilliant idea I thought it was.
Fuck it, if you can't drink cheep beer and whiskey with me, I don't want you.
He's just been a dick since he set his face on fire. I just wanted to eat a fucking hot dog.
Randomize
