His pubic hair was longer than his dick
Then I opened the closet and then i found the babies
there is beer in every square inch of this apartment and he hasn't even lived in it for 24 hours. we're playing some game that involves slamming beer, beer pong and smacking people's cups out of their hands.
if the future wants me to fuck him, then i guss i have to
Should we buy the taco bell before hand? Not having taco bell on Quattro de mayo isn't a risk I'm willing to take
Well, I found the missing blow... in my fucking suitcase... THIS MORNING. Yeah, I flew from FL to NY with blow in my suitcase yesterday.
I told you to check, dude
Yeah, AFTER I checked my bag and I was already sitting on a plane. Oh well. I figured worst case I'd do like 15 hours in county and I was totally prepared for that anyways. I always prepare for that when we hang out.
I am sending my doctor an XXXMas card thanking him for my tits!
These people don't understand my stages of drunk
i just woke up to her giving me a toothy BJ so I had to break into your bedroom and steal about 4 condoms. Sorry for waking you. :(
"Accidentally" bump into him after class.
I'm gonna "accidentally" put his dick in my mouth.
He has a baby picture of himself on the night stand. I don't think this whole 'one night stand' thing is for me.
Serious question: is he hot or is my vagina just that barren?
My joke about liking my coffee like I like my men IS ABOUT TO COME TRUE.
She turned off her phone alarm (which was the theme song to Star Wars) and then asked me if I wanted a blow job before she went...of course I am going to see her again.
I woke up with a giant paw print on the side of my face, my jaw hurts, and I have no idea how any of this happened.
Randomize
