Our hot neighbor just came over and asked for a toilet plunger...not so hot anymore
She accidentally pre-ordered us Dominos for the next day at 11:30am... we were very confused when we woke up.
At a pool hall. Dudes walkin around with fuzzy handcuffs cuffed to his belt. The douche bag level grows higher still
You act as if I'm the first person to pee in the Taco Bell drive thru at 2 AM, I'm sure a lot worse things have happen in that drive thru than my urine.
Did you make me take pictures of your ass last night because you fucked on some wet paint or did i dream that?
We sent off fireworks off in the taco bell drive through. They're taking it way too seriously.
Why Weren't you wearing pants?
because pants are for people with no imagination
If I wasn't stoned and knee deep in cheese and crackers I'd help.
I need to find parents that want to take care of a grown adult. I'm sure there's a website out there for that. Like a sugar daddy but sugar parents.
Lol I screamed "GOT AN ORDER OF VERSACE TACOS UP" and the whole kitchen was just like who the fuck is this kid
Her instagram is literally selfies, cats, and guys she's fucked.
We're keeping you on a leash this Saint Patrick's Day
My mom and sister were over. When my drunk roommate came home, he yelled "GOT BITCHES IN MY CONDO"
This is why you arnt allowed in pet stores
Sorry my phone died. Obviously four o'clock in the morning is a good time to tell you this.
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