Our Neighbors are trying to steal our ducks!
I just pynch a tree in the face
it sounded like he was fisting a can of crisco.
I just needed to know whether or not to wear panties to work tomorrow.
Thats about the time I should have known you would run around naked and try to make out with my sleeping mother
I cant believe that bitch gave me herpes. she said those bumps were just a part of the natural landscape
wait, did she really refer to her vagina as a landscape?
why are you more concerned about her word choice than the fact that I HAVE FUCKING HERPES
My doc was like ur only supposed to have 6 sexual partners..thats just one semester at college
: am i supposed to send the mass text 'merry christmas!' to my booty calls too?
I puked in the AC vent. thing are gonna get ugly come summertime.
you had sex with a 30 year old who doesn't have a cell phone but does have an 8 year old son.
he's 29.
I gave his parents a candle as a thanks for letting me hang out there all the time. Which i guess is more accurately a thanks-for-letting-me-fuck-your-son candle
It's Been clinically proven that people who have sex 6 or more times per week are happier than those who don't. Just and FYI. For your mental health. From a soon so be psychologist. Who is drunk.
Today is get drunk without showing anyone my penis day
i doubt you are even in possession of a crowbar.
I suggest you not find out the hard way
were you aware we were supposed to be taking care of her hamster this weekend?
Randomize
