As heartfelt as your proposal was- I will NOT marry for money- especially to someone who still owes me $700. You r officially pathetic!!
I just woke up in my car with half the wedding cake next to me. This will not end well.
I wish I had a dollar for every time I've slept off a late night I dont want to remember in my recliner.
if you don't let us come over today i'm not taking the second plan b pill. your call.
And my fence, why is part of it on the roof?
what kind of wine goes with anal sex and shame?
He was a bulldog and my face was like rare meat. Never again with the drunken ones.
Just remember that she is a giant dick-sucking forehead and you are better than that.
Jordan and I are drunk and barred out at the liquor store sitting in the awesome $70 Corona bench bargaining with the owner for a lower price, all while passing the Belvedere bottle between the two of us. Real life. College has down this.
This is the minute she broke up with me. If you're receiving this mass text, you are one for the girls who made me promise to text you at this point.
scratch that I can tell you where she is shes drunk on a beach somewhere being a penis slayer
you stuck pieces of bread to your face with peanut butter and asked if it looked like you had a facial yeast infection.
ohhhh that's why they asked me to leave...
My boyfriend's brother just got out of jail and he is already telling us to steal cable. Dude.
I'm very aware of my heart moving the blood in my body.
not only was there glitter in the toilet after i peed, but there was some on the toilet paper after i wiped. this cant be healthy.
Randomize
