wait do you know what youre gonna say if they ask how youre getting back?
yes. helicopter.
chlamydia ends and my period begins. this isnt real life
there was so much ham clogging the tub drain.. he said it was ok he has a cleaning lady
I got a Luke Skywalker costume so I can go do battle with the homeless guy who plays the fiddle dressed as Darth Vader downtown.
Did I happen to mention where i left my keys when I drunk dialed you last night
I wore sweatpants. When I show up to a booty call in sweatpants there's your warning
We need to put it on a rope attached to the bong, so it can't be dropped. Apparently, you need a stem safety leash.
This holiday season is going to be rough between people coming home for the holidays and the already regulars on my list I might have to clone my vagina to make sure I get everyone for all they are worth
I am at Brians in a pirate costume, what the hell am I thinking
well they never fully had sex so she's like an eskimo step-sister. I'll make a family tree for you.
If you could watch a water balloon run... That's what it's like watching her run.
If my bootycall doesn't bring over a Baconnator, I swear to fucking God, I'm not letting him in. The hunger is that real. Forget his Persian dick.
Im gonna go for the gay guy. The ginger is freaking me out.
I swear, the guy behind me wasn't paying attention until the words "middle aged fuckboy" came out of my mouth.
Reading becomes significantly more difficult when people are having crazy loud sex in an adjoining room
Randomize
