You're completely useless in the revolution.
her dad is making me watch Glen Beck, i only agreed because i penetrated his daughter earlier.
Just whacked off in the middle of writing a paper, gave me great ideas. Note, should do this more often.
I actually had no interest in him until he started talking about his 4 arrests. That made him go from a 5 1/2 to a 8, easily.
I made him hve sex with me in the elevator so that I could put my finger down in never have I ever.
The thing is you're all "holy crap this isn't nearly as bad as I thought pissing on my own face would be."
Just heard Miley Cyrus' version of "Every Rose Has Its Thorn". Fuck everything. If you don't have an std you have no right to remake this song
Dude this breakup has officially hit rock bottom. sitting around watching women's NCAA basketball instead of going out
Hovering on the line between her being fuckable and me being too drunk to fuck. Life's juggling act in progress here.
not much just sitting outside his bathroom door naked eating cheetoes. You?
You almost set me on fire last night.
You probably deserved it.
I am not sure which is more amazing; The fact that she offered me sex, beer AND nachos, or that she can properly use a semi-colon at her current blood alcohol level.
Bon Iver should never be played when you just ate shrooms.
People...there is no better feeling in the world than finding out via Google that your ex has a warrant out for his arrest. No better feeling.
No! Last time I got hit with a beer bottle
Haha, Tuesday man
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