just used a caramelizing gun to spark a bowl, i don't think today could get much better than this.
He keeps asking where i got my clothes and accessories. i'm not sure if he wants to fuck me, or go shopping.
bailing my boss out of jail is a great way to spend memorial day
then she stuck her tongue in my ass
I thought we were talking about reason you aren't going to marry her?
So, how do I go about conveying: I'm sorry, yet very glad she is having my abortion. Via text msg?
I think I sprained my soul last night
I'm truly not mad that he's at a strip club, it's that he couldn't look far enough into the future to figure out how to get himself home from one
Brett got me a cake with a pic of me shitting
So I just got drugs from a house with a giant cross on it. Thank you, Jesus.
Might be using my graduation money to pay for an abortion.
I want Walter White to make me a bologna sandwich while I'm chained to a support
There's no good way to say, "sorry your son saw me naked on top of your brother"
A stripper choked me last night. Then I choked her. Now we're going on a date this Saturday.
I'm gonna invite every single tinder date I've had to my birthday. Let them fight, battle Royale style. The winner gets to fuck me. \n\nBest. Birthday. Ever
Where are all your bongs? Your Dad wants to make sure they're put away before his family gets here.
Umm....in my room, on my closet, under the bed and behind my laptop.
Randomize
