Fact: Godrick looks like David Archuleta
She said she had a thing for dinosaurs. Come get me now
i am YELPING strip clubs. This is interesting.
I think I should receive an honorary Heisman... I mean, I did sleep with two of the finalists
I DONT WANT TO PLUS I THINK I FLUSHED MY KEYS DOWN THE TOILET WHILE I WAS PEEING
I would personally love to see the surveillance video of me throwing my stuff inside, peeing on the sidewalk, then crying hysterically when I realized I locked myself out. Again.
I fucking hate tequila. Tequila makes me hate pants.
Best line overheard at the bar: "This is the last time I'm shaving my ass for him...I mean we just broke up".
Please tell me how the stripper got back to Sarah's from the trailer park
sidebar: i fucked your brother last night
Come here I'm naked
And I want mozzarella sticks
Coming straight to your house after the flight. If not in Federal Prison for disobeying peanut laws.
I'm hosting my annual valentine's day party tomorrow with every hookup I've ever had. thoughts on how it will turn out ??
I just walked across town, stoned off my ass and barefoot in 35 degree weather for him to bust five mins in and then apologize 13 times as I got dressed.
He tried to throw up into a beer bottle. It was a complete disaster. Vomit went everywhere. It put the Bellagio's fountain to shame.
Randomize
