Well how sick are u. Ive got a good immune system.
If I don't come home tonight, I've died in a pile of gay.
I think a homeless person took a bath in my mouth while I was sleeping :(
So apparently when I roll on X I find 'dick ina box' not only hilarious but also sexually arousing.
i told him he had the best dick i've ever seen. then supposedly i kept repeating "peter piper picked the perfect penis"
I'm cheering for the colts this year. I basically have to since my fake says i'm from indianapolis
What the fuck. The girl next to me just looked at her phone, put her stuff away, and popped a birth control and ran out of class. Lucky fucking guy.
I want to spend time with you, and by time, I mean real time. Not your dick in my mouth time.
I didn't think it was possible, but that girl next door is even louder when drunk.
I was passed out on the dog bed yelling "I UNDERSTAND"
SIMBAAAA REMEBER WHO YOU ARE
You spent the entire night trying to get me to make out with you
yeah I remember. your boyfriend shouldnt have cheered me on though.
Weird thing is that's not the first time I've been felt up by a Santa. Happens every year
Watching the series finale of Friends and crying in my Thai food. I don't like hangover Jared.
I figure blowing aggressively into a harmonica is better than screaming, "GET THE FUCK AWAY FROM ME YOU SOCIOPATHIC SUCCUBUS" to my sister, in the middle of an auditorium, during my mothers college graduation ceremony.
Randomize
