I totally ignored my nose and drank sour milk this morning. The tupid carton said 4/22/09. i puked everywhere..
so im in the parking lot of taco bell eating a taco...and some girl just got out of a car and screamed at the top of her lungs "XANEX FOR SALE!!!!" i fucking love Hamilton.
"Shots" has been nominated for a grammy. Now all of the US has sunken to our level...
Peed in a church parking lot last night. As if Jesus didnt hate me enough already.
I have no idea. I woke up naked on someones toilet locked in the bathroom with two baby kittens.
sometimes you just have to pull up your panties, blow a kiss to the security camera and walk out of the alley like nothing happened.
Definitely need to find a less healthy bootycalls. All this bitch got in her fridge is feta, English muffins and wheat grass. What the fuck can I make with that???
Found 2 Coors, problem solved.
Dude, I found out having naked people in your car is a felony.. Now were all fucked.
All you need to do now is invest in a Speedo and start going door to door.
I'm going to be fiscally responsible and buy a handle.
New discovery: your vibrator works on my balls. Technology is wonderful I love the future
My date bailed but I got to take a nap so I'm cool with it.
He gives me the same feeling I get when someone puts a margarita or German chocolate cake in front of me
Why is there cereal literally EVERYWHERE?
It didn't follow directions.
We need to catch up immediately. I took ecstasy and made out with carrot face this weekend.
Randomize
