Right on... I dropped my chapstick
I blacked out
Those kids are glorified dude-bros. It's banal.
I'm starting a business if you want to get involved
oh boy
Its called Cut N Tugs, haircuts with happy endings
if you don't go to jail tommorow I'll buy you a 40. Motivation.
I got a black eye last night. This guy said for every 35 pounds you lose you gain an inch to your dick. I asked him how long he has been peeing sitting down.
I swear, you have an app for that. "Attention: your boyfriend is pooping. Place call?"
She was wearing a "Got Beer" hat and your bed had necco wafers all over it the next morning. Another story for the grandkids.
no i had to finish in the bathroom to a pic of her mom in a bikini.
Gong!
YOU'RE MARRIED NOW YOU CAN'T KEEP GONGING ME WHEN YOU GET LAID IT DOESN'T COUNT
You started throwing frozen shot glasses at people and you kept saying "it's fine, they melt."
Just had the best random sex ever with a girl I picked up from a pro choice rally uptown. God bless the Democratic National Convention.
hey now, it was 6 bucks for 5 shots. you would have lost your panties too.
Literally sitting on my bed in the dark trying not to throw up
MILK DIDN'T HELP. IT'S NOT HELPING
I successfully cockblocked 5 people in one night. I wasnt getting any, why should they.
Randomize
