Something clean will definitely be barfed on tomorrow.
Classy? Dude, she fucked 3 guys as part of a scavenger hunt
And?
you were definitelymotorboating random chicks as they walked out of the bar. just like, down the line. you kept yelling "Motor Boats for everyone!!!!"
This is one of those times where I really wish my vagina could tell me what happened last night.
Just pissed in my own closet. Had no idea adult dinner parties could he so awesome.
I'm in Burlington Coat Factory. This place'd be great if you were on E. There're so many textures...
I'm kinda hoping that if I rub the right object, a genie will come out
I don't know where I am and I feel like a hippo shat in my mouth. This sofa is comfy though.
Delivery driver perk #327: I just paid for part of the security deposit on my new place in pizza. This oughta be a fun renting experience.
Only you would have a vasectomy while you're awake and report on the soundtrack first
I ate pizza in bed, sans pants, and then carved a pumpkin. FUNCTIONING ADULT MOTHERFUCKERS!
I think I just did my first walk of shame. He sent me home with a watermelon from his farm. Southern one night stands.
I don't give a fuck that he's gay and keeps hitting on me. Free cocaine is free cocaine bro
Great litmus test for what a useless adult you are: amount of shame you feel while eating a coffee cup of Fruity Pebbles
It took me an hour to walk from my drive way to my front door... what the fuck was in that weed?
Well I typed "penicillin a" into the search engine and before I could finish "penicillin and drinking" popped up. Google knows me too well.
Randomize
