DUDE. I'm missing my big toenail. My bed has blood all over it. WHAT DID WE DO LAST NIGHT?
I don't know, but I chipped my tooth and I'm wearing different underwear.
is it true that cum stays in you for 7 years?
that's gum
if you google earth my address you can see me getting out of my car. finally my moment of being famous
im honestly more upset that i fucked a buckeyes fan than about cheating on my boyfriend...
Last time I get high to write a paper the night before it's due. "Tiny Wings and sexuality" is not an acceptable topic to for a paper. Class in 30 minutes. I'm fucked...
This guy in a neck brace is ordering bottle service at the strip club. Not sure whether to applaud his commitment or scorn his addiction. It's a draw.
He kept pouting and saying i cockblocked him and I kept yelling "I'm sorry...but the cock was never out to be blocked"
Either im tripping real hard, or there's a legit land shark in my apartment.
The plan was to get laid... Now the plan is to survive.
Like wrapping my dick in silk, wrapping that in velvet, and putting it in a cloud. A warm, tight, wet cloud.
If you've never been pounded by an Eastern European body builder, I would highly recommend it.
I'm trying to find a fanny pack so I can bring pizza on my run
idk i just feel really unsatisfied. like something's missing from my life... maybe it's chicken nuggets...
You ever sit back and realize our friendship is based off us ranting at each other with random animal photos thrown in
Nothing says "Jesus has forgiven your sins" like finding out you're not pregnant on Easter.
Randomize
