Just got yelled at by a priest...again.
She's 40ish and I couldn't wake her up with a stick of dynamite. My sheets are going to be covered in glitter lotion and smell like grape vodka and shattered dreams tomorrow.
Aren't divorce parties fun?
You and I have very different definitions of fun.
i think blowjobs on the first date are perfectly acceptable. as long as you dont go dick to mouth.
girl in the front row yawned. double jointed jaw. i know where i'll be sitting next class
so we started it doggy style, but since we were really drunk kinda fell to the side and turned into a 'lazy dog'... my new favorite position btw
i dont know what to do
with your life?
no, with my silly bandz, im already wearing 3
So here i am dipping ice cream in my vodka and watching the bad girls club on demand. This is not ok
WHY does every guy I sleep with want to fix my car?!
Turns out the guy I peed on gave me a ride back to my dorm this morning.
You are a god.
Do they mail horrible human being awards or do I have to pick it up or what's the protocol on that shit
this could be the second dad I've smoked weed with
How's moving going?
Uh, we're on the way to the store to buy more booze
Do you remember last night?
Just that I fell down a hill with my penis out and the emt talked to me.
So I ended the trip with two cold sores, poison ivy on my leg and vagina, and no alcohol or weed. WORST. 4TH. OF. JULY. EVER.
The only thing I remember about us having sex is yelling at him to choke me.
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