Erica just called me. She woke up in a storage closet in Mike's building with one shoe and no bag. Can you check your photos from last night to see if she had it at the bar?
Dude, I just saw a bird vs. squirrel fight. A car won.
tonight i'm making a christmas tree shaped shot pyramid
I just saw someone marching around outside wearing only a loincloth, dragging a fuckton of sheet metal. Spring has Sprung.
If Bret Micheals dies..will VH1 have to go off the air?
Just bought a waterproof mattress cover. Bring it on sophomore year.
after she pushed someone down the stairs to get more vodka we lost her for a while and found her on the pole in the garage pouring water on herself
I just commented on the education level of his penis.
I drew a giraffe.. But she did say that bumped that test up from a 39 to a 40. It's the little things.
I just sneaky put a tampon in on the bus ninja-style.
......how on earth do you do that?
NINJAAAA
i put frozen meatballs in my drink thinking they were ice cubes and I'm vegetarian wtf
YOUUUU FUCKING FURRYYYY
I DIDN'T COME HERE TO BE SLANDERED LIKE THIS
I need to stop adding people I want to bone on LinkedIn.
..... starting now
Woke up with a lip tattoo that says "fake news" in case you're wondering about my wellbeing
I'll talk to you in a minute. Gotta put my peacocks away
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