You'd love this place it's beautiful. Plus these people smell like garlic
One girl and one boy is just not enough.
Why do guys in porn never have boxers on?
better question: why do you always text me when you're watching porn
Just ate cheeseit crumbs off the floor. i feel like Kirstie Alley.
im sitting in the back of my pickup eating an artichoke. please come find me, im scared.
that was a mass text, wasnt it?
That's what happens when you park you car under a perfectly good balchony I can puke off of
My nipple rings set off the metal detector at the courthouse this morning.
Out of desperation, I used the leftover sauce from my goat masala as a mixer for vodka shots.
Rumble strips road head = magical
I peed sitting down because I knew standing was a lost cause
You don't understand. On her lunch break she sits on the roof, stares into the sky, and chain smokes. I can't get on her level. She is made up of java monsters with whiskey and a voice that sounds like sex.
You need to stop crushing on your boss or fuck her.
The groom's brother was an accomplishment. Then I remembered he was also the officiant. Check and check.
To me, you're the Patron Saint of good music and handjobs
She asked how comfortable I was with her while we were in the shower. She then proceeded to pee in said shower.
Laying on my driveway in my pajamas in the sun having my severe hangover cigarette, and the daycare house across the street is having playtime in the yard! I believe I'm currently being what's known as a "bad example!"
Randomize
