The guy drove to our house at 6am to sell us weed. Now that's customer service.
so she called me drunk and made me stay on the phone with her while she puked.
the last thing i remember was trying to convince him to call over his girlfriend so we could have a threesome
Just wanted to make sure that my favorite hot mess is still alive. I dont need words, just a response of any sort. K hope youre living
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This is sufficient.
So I'm pretty sure I fucked the dept of homeland security guy on my kitchen table. No recollection of it, but there are signs.
Ok lesson learned. Don't lick the spoon when making mushroom chocolates. The kitchen walls are melting.
Wait wait wait. I remember riding in her car to the next bar. On your lap. With my head on the dashboard. That probably should have been my cut off point.
He drew a face on his balls with a sharpie. It was like giving head to a unicorn.
he got kicked out of the bar for falling asleep on the mechanical bull.. then freaked on us cause we wouldnt go to the strip club with him
Of course drinkings involved. They don't call it alcoholism because we eat too many skittles.
I would totes reciprocate the nip pic, but I'm sick with a piece of tissue shoved up one of my nostrils and I'm just not feeling that ambitious. Sorry.
I survive off of bourbon and the tears of others only
Her handjob consisted of slapping me in the balls. I am never hooking up with her ever again ever.
Your drunk self managed to not pee on anyone's bed
Go me
I'm actually proud
All I'm saying is there better be a bow on your dick for my birthday
Randomize
