So im pretty sure the object of my emotional onterest is tired of playing with me....
Why did you video tape me drying my boxers in the microwave?
well. it's seven AM and i'm too high to hula hoop.
chinese tourists just took a picture of me....im pretty sure i heard the bus drive say something about shame.
We made a bong out of a plastic football. I can honestly say we make a good team.
you know you're a senior when your friends are at the bar before you even get out of class
why the fuck would you go to class? it's karaoke wednesday.
You are going to be so proud of me, I'm wearing underwear AND tights. That's two layers more than usual between my vagina and the world.
Y'know, "Class cancelled because Professor is stuck in Mexico," is not something I expected in college. Let alone, "Professor is stuck in Mexico, AGAIN."
Look. If you're going to be my girlfriend you need to be down with me licking BBQ off your face infront of kids.
Just ushered a raccoon across the street so yeah.. Good night
Dude. Photoshop a Santa hat on your mug shot and send it as your Christmas cards.
Have I showed you the picture of my vagina with a little bang flag coming out of it?
Lady Gaga is doing the 1/2 time show. I hope it's gay and liberal as fuck.
Remember, I smoked so you wouldn't have to. I'm like the Jesus of Marijuana.
Can I come over?
Sorry I gave up dick for lent. Hit me up on Good Friday tho
Randomize
