i just wish he would text me so i could ignore his text and show him how little i care anymore
Dear Mark, please dispose of your crusty mcdonalds napkins used to jerk it at my desk
discrete masterbation is a lost art
8am blowjobs give a whole new meaning to morning breath..
You three are like the Bermuda Triangle for morals.
the only consolation to the fact that i puked in public today was that i did it down a storm drain... so at least i am a responsible public puker
She's using our floating beer pong table as an air mattress to sleep on.
Currently shopping online for cardboard cutouts of various horror characters. That should teach me roommates to stop taking acid on Tuesdays.
I woke up in a tutu and topless. How was your night?
That's good. Don't want to see you bellydancing in prison for homemade wine.
I'm not in it for just the sex. If I wanted mediocre dick once a week I would have stayed with one of my exes.
She just kept roaring and saying Katy Perry had nothing on her. Wtf did she take?
what are you getting to drink for new years?
well seeing as how i just got diagnosed with a uti, whatever we can mix with cranberry juice
You know its an epic night when omar the garbage man gives you a ride home at 6 in the morning.
I hope that will b the last time i take off my pants in the chemistry building.
can I CTRL ALT DELETE this universe
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