He yelled GOOOOAAAALLL when he came.
loyola was giving a tour this morning and they all saw me in a half ripped off toga throwing up over the side of the dorm stairs
you don't even go to loyola anymore
you want to go make fun of the strippers on try out night
i got kicked out last time for laughing
Reason #82 that I need to get laid: my pubes are getting split ends.
I'm drunk. And at a vegan cafe. You would hate it. Don't tell my hipster friend but I kinda hate it too.
i used the phrase horny rhinos in my paper. i hope my teacher appreciates the size of my balls
yo everyone went to the hospital last night
I know, but I was really high and I felt like a failure dragon because I could only blow smoke, no fire.
i yelled at him for a little and we ended up fucking in a random tennis court.
I'm not really into her personality. Not that we've ever looked for personality in women.
That's only a quality to look for in a second marriage.
the condom is still stuck, that's what I get for being responsible
Random Survey Question: If things start getting serious with this cop, do I have to stop doing coke?
Dude, she doesn't even live here... She just can't eat all our food and masturbate on my dog's couch...
Last night at the bar you we're seriously going up to people and pushing through them like they were bowling pins and you were a bowling ball
i woke up half naked on someone's pool lounge chair in a house that i don't know, with someone's phone number scrawled on my stomach. why do i hang out with you again??
You just listed two reasons.
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