I just found puke in my bra..
It's amazing the difference a day and 2000 mg of antibiotic make. Nine days to go.
I don't know if it's lucky or if it really just makes my tits look THAT good, but I've never NOT gotten laid with this bra on
The moment you ate chicken nuggets out of your purse you were my hero.
Where the hell did i get chicken nuggets from
All i want to do is drink fuck and cry... you dont have to cater all three its more like the saddest choose your own adventure ever
I had a great time except for the part where you called another guy, told him you were in a cab - not on a date - and that you'd meet him at a bar in 15 minutes. but besides that it was awesome. Next time capping you at two glasses of wine
Sorry blacked out and lost my phone. Judging by the looks of my body I fought a cat and fell into a bush.
GO AHEAD, BITCH, GLARE AT MY WAFFLE ONE MORE TIME. I WILL FUCK YOU UP.
Sex on the scooter in the parking lot wasn't the smartest idea. Actual quote from the cop as he handed me the ticket and fist bumped me.
I want to go out and have good clean fun.
Ok, but that does not include Bud Light Platinum and your vagina.
I met her daughter,who I went to high school with on my way out this morning. She didn't seem to surprised. I love older women.
You were yelling at the mannequin and saying "DON'T LOOK AT ME"
It took me an hour to walk from my drive way to my front door... what the fuck was in that weed?
what do you mean he's functionally heterosexual
I seriously thought Satan had his hand up my asshole and was pulling out my soul. Never. Again.
Randomize
