The iPad is going to make my porn collection SO much more glossier... thanks steve jobs.
Apparently he always goes for the wrong girl so it should be easy for me to nail him.
Lauren she was gnawing on a dresser. Gnawing. On. A. Dresser.
Just charged fat mistake $3 for a beer.
I just Tebowed the shit out of her.
Nice and you can't use "Tebow" in the place of every verb.
My dog got laid yesterday. Some lady came over with her husky to breed. He did it like a champ. I was so proud
I thought adderall would sober me up, but it did NOT.
I'm going to be drunk and braless all weekend. Let the festivities begin!
He's hot and has an accent therefore you don't ask questions when he tells you to take your pants off.
She told me she was the Publishers Clearing House of Dicks. Two dicks a day, everyday for life.
I fully support your bad decision but I do not approve of your unironic use of the word yolo
He called me 'pal' while complimenting how well I took his load on my face. I've officially been fuckbuddy-zoned.
So you broke your ribs while fucking? Dude you just got about 25% hotter.
Just had an orgasim to the Star Spangled Banner so.. it was all worth it.
Is it okay that we fucked on my car hood, in his driveway, at 4 am with cars passing by ?
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