i just found a plastic monkey in my sweatshirt pocket
Umm I had a plastic mermaid in my pants......
Really
You win
the level of his annoyance + every insult he makes = the closer I am to telling him im fucking his ex
You tried to wear your Jesus costume into Family Christian stores and say it was a book signing.
they bought blue cups instead of red...wtf how am i supposed to pretend im on laguna beach??
That girl that gave me a blowjob, I think I fired her last year.
It's going to take a while to see a dick pic that I enjoy more than richs helicopter video
So the night ended when we tried making fireworks out of gunpowder and oregano. You can figure out how that went.
Sorry, they don't make maternity Power Ranger suits...
You have like just as much sex as me and I have a brand new bf. That does not add up. That is not right.
Just participated in the saddest thing: Cheetos. Handjob. I have lost at life
Was having relations of the behind variety with my girlfriend. Based on where we were at I could see myself in the bathroom mirror. You know I did the Patrick Bateman point and wink at the mirror and turned on sissudio by Phil Collins.
I wonder if Paul and Andy realize how lucky that they are that we're too lazy to start fucking other dudes so we just stick with them
The cops high fived after they tackled you
He has a syndrome called asshole. And it flares up 24/7.
They don't really make a "hey I'm fucking your ex wife" card do they ?
Randomize
