Leaving terminator. dude in front of us leaving was wearing a baggy micael vick jersey, cargo shorts and brown crocs. God I hate people.
booty call
i swear to god if you come over i will kick you in the pussy.
I put the beer in my little red riding hood basket.
Drunk, high, and in a taco costume. Wish you were here.
that knocking you heard last night......that was her head slowly going through the wall
She gave me a BJ with my hoodie on. it was like i was blowing myself.
He told me his penis would be a "Sad Panda" if I didn't give it a ride through the jungle.
Quite frankly, I consider the fact that I'm NOT pregnant one of my greatest achievements and I'd like to chronicle that ongoing success. I'm going to post pictures of me at "0 weeks" once a week.
Would it be safe to assume you're the one that left my front door wide open and left yourself a trail of jaeger drops to find your way back?
I think the fact that I shit my pants, threw away my underwear in a frat bathroom, lost my socks down a drain in the front yard and still got laid... deserves some sort of a victory drink for myself or a blowjob for him since he was such a good sport.
You insisted we help some homeless guy put up posters for his missing pet alligator so we left you there because they were really just Chinese takeout menus.
Fyi your toilet is not contaminated. We'd have to scissor pretty hard to pass what I got.
My house smells like bleach. Also, I do not feel bad about all the stuff I stole from the hospital while I was there.
do you think our homemade porn will pass for my cinematography final?
I told the cop I was late for a booty call. He still gave me a ticket but he wrote his number on it
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