Last-second stop at the drug store for lube and condoms. Clerk said "So uhmmm...that's a done deal, huh?"
High five!
Sarah Palin just quit. Happy Independence day!
God Bless America!
bras are like tupperware for tits, keeps em fresh.
I showed my boss the "She Wolf" video. He sent it to all his friends and told me to make us martinis...thanks Shakira and keep it up
shit I'm tired of wearing other peoples clothes to bed
When we were eating pie last night, I dropped some, and not only did you not judge me for far surpassing the 5 second rule, you let me use your foot to sock mop with. You're a good friend.
Just successfully invited my mom to a drag show. If that doesnt say "im gay" then idk what will.
Do you miss the park or do you miss us having sex in public?
I didnt realize until i got your email that what i've been missing in my life is someone to send me dog gifs
I just wanna get drunk in a castle. Is that so much to ask?
My parents are paying for my knee surgery for my birthday. What costume will look good on crutches for my Halloween Birthday?
Welcome to adulthood.
Your clever response has earned you a blow job this week
Never in my life have I seen a grown ass man get on all fours and attempt to buttfuck himself with the leg of a chair. I love Vegas!
It's not even a normal fucking affair I've found myself in. It's a fucking bdsm clusterfuck.
I think it's a bit on the nose for the Uber driver to play stairway to heaven while driving like A psycho.
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