I think I might be in your shoes. Except they are actually my shoes. Either way these shoes are wasted.
You thought cars couldnt see you if you stuck your head in the mail box
ARE YOU ALIVE? usually when i say lets start drinking at inappropriate times you come right over. im worried
using the left over highlighters from the blacklight party to study for finals. feeling the need to write insert penis here on my econ notes.
Day 5 without masturbation. Fat chicks are back on the table
I know he gets bloody noses a lot...so that explains all the blood...but I'd say the condoms are definitely from a penis.
We made the bar tender tell us how he proposed to his girlfriend. In detail. While we made gushing noises. We are embarrassments to females everywhere
That white girl was surprised to see orange pubes around my black cock. Happy Halloween!
Don't use or open the microwave. It's full of smoke. Buying a new one tomorrow, will explain.
I have poison ivy on my dick
WHAT
I don't think he cares about your inhospitable uterus.
Yeah but him not going to be sleeping in your sink this time.
Next time I pee on a car, I'll text you.
I vaguely remember ordering a water at some point last night. It's good to know drunk me can still be responsible.
Probably some sort of karmic revenge for me looking at titties somewhere along the way
and for that you shall suffer
God: I won't strike you down, but I shall introduce your child to Doja Cat during a quarantine
Randomize
