very cute, but more "I wanna put you in my pocket and keep you as a pet" and less "please bang me" type of cute.
He just told me his cousin just died and I look like her. Reconsidering the sex.
I just puked into a plastic bag at a red light. Go me.
Is it weird I want to fuck the cartoon chick from e-surance??
I want to frame my negative pregnancy test.
I'm listening to bach and watching porn,is that a sign of depression?
Quite the contrary. Sophistication.
WHAT DID YOU SAW VERBATIM. VERBATIM IS SOBER FOR WORD FOR WORD
Found your counterpart from cali. Walked into the bar we were in with milk and a donut, ordered a beer and said anything his group wanted was on his tab....dangerous
I don't know what weirder, the fact that I flat out said "I thought I deleted you from facebook" or that she responded with "I just hacked your account and readded myself". Never thought I'd say this but I wish drunk me would stop making friends!
FUCK YOU AND YOUR WEAK ASS EYEBROWS
With my son watching me, I pulled down my pants and shit in her trash can.
Never in my life have I been so excited to nap as I am right now.
You ate my ass why wouldn't I remember you
Ya know. I was thinking of my slutty moments the other day and finally know which one makes the number 1 spot.
My favourite part was when you contorted upside down in the tub and said "I don't want to be upside down"
Randomize
