I just remembered Dan asking me all polite in the middle of sex "do you mind if I get behind you?" that was the most polite way I've been asked to do it doggy style
I'm sitting at the bar eating dinner next to a nerd, a guy in a 10 gallon hat, and a policeman. I feel like I joined The Village People
You tried to wear your Jesus costume into Family Christian stores and say it was a book signing.
I drank myself into bisexuality again.
Oh my god I'm so bored. The virgin is so disinteresting when I'm not trying to cum on her face.
It's isn't revenge sex until you've cum on her porcelain doll collection.
You made out with my dog and told me he tasted like a rainbow.
I invited you and you fucked me in the face with the penis of disappointment and shit.
I just walked in on my lesbian roommate having sex in the kitchen, and it was awesome. We proceeded to shots naked together. Happy birthday to me.
So apparently using the emergency exit of the bar as a bathroom is frowned upon in this establishment...
we broke the bed, curtan rods, a dresser drawer, and unless I didn't notice it before, we put a hole in the wall. This is why he and I have to fuck in motels.
I remember walking into a bathroom stall that had a couple fucking in it and giving them a condom and a thumbs up and then leaving
I legitimately just had to leave work because I am too hungover. The front office ladies keep making fun of me.
you better come over.. I need a witness to help prove the couch talks to me
I like that they’re all named Christopher or Chris. No need to worry about moaning during!
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