you didnt say anything until i brought it up today. i guess i misjudged your maturity.
I guess I misjudged your gender.
Now would be a great time to stop wondering " Who let the dogs out" and go to sleep
So what does a sober person do in Vegas on a Friday night?
he keeps calling me but I'm too scared to answer... Not sure what he's gonna yell at me for: barging into his room while he was with another girl, filling her shoes with dog food and water, or hiding his keys in the garbage disposal.....
She was so happy she found her sunglasses, that she blew me. Im now randomly hiding things of hers in hopes she'll find them and I'll get a repeat performance.
I'm really tired of cleaning up my twitter the morning after
The bed I'm sleeping in has a headboard only handcuffs could love. I'm gonna pick up a local dude and wreck that.
You know what's awkward? Being with your girlfriend and seeing her ex-boyfriend that she left for you while you've got a Ron Burgundy level awkward boner.
His dick was so bent it was like fucking captain hook's hand for 2 hours
my vag sweat smells like doritos
so now that we're not dating you have to stop sending shit like this to me okay?
It's just great that Easter is on 4/20 this year. Now everyone can enjoy the Easter egg hunts. And being around my whole family.
Next guy I fuck must be a cowboy
And besides a nice relationship, I just really want to get laid damnit
This is like the first time all week I've properly taken my birth control. My ovaries are so stoked I just know it.
If you feel frisky later I have a cowboy hat that would look great on you naked...
Who is this......
Randomize
