Ill do this for you.
You are a team player.
This is me making up for not putting my tongue inside you more.
I just found puke in my bra..
You seriously looked at the house acorss the street and implied that you thought they had nice Easters.
I think they called the cops after 15 minutes of you shaking their clothes line like the ultimate warrior and calling out hulk hogan
the wall and i were having dominance issues.
Will you please bring your dog over today? Apparently I was drunkenly cooking last night. There's food everywhere. I'm too hungover to clean.
Bright side: maybe hell start being nice to you now that you know he has erectile dysfunction.
The pastor just stopped the sermon to lay hands on me. THAT hungover.
NO. ANAL IS NOT A GAME.
which guy lost his keys in my bed this weekend?
Escorted out of jimmy johns because I refused to leave with my dog. Stole a loaf of bread on the way out.
He's gonna do me a solid for doing her a solid. It's like pay it foward. But with sex.
I threw up in my brother's Easter basket
We've been fucking like crazy ever since she quit her job..ive been running errands all day to stay out of the house and give my dick a day of rest
I hate my life now
i passed out in front of ihop...for the second night in a row. i think i need to reevaluate my life choices
Randomize