Uhh me and Jacque peed on the street outside the bar last night and wiped with flowers. I vaguely remember her repeating the word "fresh" over and over.
We succumbed to passion, and then he had to go meet his girlfriend. End of story.
i'm unexpectedly in a limo, eating poutine. the driver just offered me coke. good idea?
I will also inform you that stairs change when you change a house. Those hurt.
Drunk on an escalator. I fell like 15 flights of stairs without actually moving more than 5 feet.
My grandma put hard boiled eggs on her lasagna. I'm not high enough for this.
she just threw a smoke bomb in an elevator and ran down 9 flights of stairs to see it at the bottom.
its safe to say i can delete the contact in my phone "brandon random bus make out" from spring break right?
Fuck you, jack daniels. I feel like satan laid an egg in my brain.
I woke up to him yelling "WHO SLEEPS WITH A BEER IN THEIR HAND?!?" this of course, startled me awake and made me spill the aforementioned beer. So I guess the a answer is- not this girl, not anymore. Asshole
Nothing bad can happen when you have a kiwi flavored condom. Absolutely nothing.
so you know how I brush my teeth after I give you a bj? according to my dentist my teeth have never been cleaner. looks like this will be a recurring thing
That man deserves a slow clap... He defied the power of the vagina
Interesting fact: if you wanted to rename a guy Jeff, just tell him you only fuck Jeffs. Magically whatever name he was using is actually his middle name cause he doesn't like going by Jeff.
ugh, my whole family is going ape shit over my sister's pregnancy blog. I dont get it? Anyone can get knocked up! I had rebound sex with a new york ranger last night, now that is something to fucking blog about.
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