Wearing these hooker shoes was a mistake
Todays lesson: Chew your food better when your drunk. I almost choked throwing up this morning.
My low point of the night was when my roommate spit out her jello shot and i took it...
Goddamn it, are you fucking her sister?
did you know it's going to storm tonight?
You bitch. At least tell Laura she's a better kisser.
So the coke mirror was perfectly angeled at my face right when i woke up this morning. I now know how I'd look on intervention.
Tonight that bitch will not be with him. You will drunkingly talk him out of this wedding. It is your duty as the one with the least amount of soul. Good luck.
Just had such a rough shit, don't stop believin had to be played
We had 15 min before last call. Exact quote "let's see how drunk we can get."
I lost the bet. I now have to do all chores sans clothing of any kind. I give it a week before I'm knocked up...
Part of my treatment is getting high and having sex with 22 year olds. I have a prescription!
So how did it go?
I'm not sure if it was all the eggnog or all the alcohol, but hosting an eggnog pong tournament was a mistake.
That's how all the girlfriends are. Oh he's a boy, no worries, then BAM. I blow their boyfriend.
The Australian strangers convinced me to leave him behind when they started chanting Aussie Aussie Aussie, Oy Oy Oy, and told me they had a bunch of beer at their place.
I didn't know where you were for like 15 minutes and then I went in the bathroom splashing water on the mirror and throwing hand towels around saying that you were "redecorating"
Weird thing is that's not the first time I've been felt up by a Santa. Happens every year
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